Start Your Own Religion - For Pleasure and Profit
Easy to use template
All you have to do is pick items from the lists below and away you go. Easy!
1) Central Figure
Who is going to be your Central Figure? Pick one
- You
- An alien that is never seen but with whom you commune
- A historical figure such as King Arthur or Noggin the Nog
- A hysterical figure such as Bobo the Clown or Tommy Cooper
- Your cat
- The bloke next door
- The Man in the Pub
2) Sacred Texts
You can always make it up as you go a long - not always best as you end up having to remember
what you have said before to avoid contradiction - hard after a beer! Choose your way forward
- pick one.
- Nah, I will make it up as I go along. I like a challenge!
- The menu from the local Pizza/Indian/Chinese Takeaway
- The lyrics of the Pet Shop Boys
- Moby Dick
- The Goon Show Scripts
3) Central Tennants or Beliefs
What is your Religion going to be about? Pick as many as you like.
- Loads of sex with anyone you can persuade to get it on
- Finding your inner self
- Feeling better about oneself through introspective thinking
- Getting drunk all the time
- Being nice to migrant workers
- Being unpleasant to migrant workers
- We are descended from Aliens from the Planet Bobo
- We are the remnants of the race of Atlanteans who were swallowed by the sea
- We are the Jean Key Fan Club
4) Where did the Beliefs come from
Always have a good argument as to where and how the Religion started. Pick one from each
list.
Where it started
- Met an alien in the pub
- Whilst reading the paper
- Whilst waiting for a takeaway
- On the bus
- Watching Deal or no Deal
How it started
- Found sacred texts whilst waiting for a takeaway
- Big light come from sky
- Alien told me the Meaning of Life
- I heard Noel Edmunds tell me to go forth on a Mission
5) Demands of the Faithful
To get a head get a hat. It is always a good idea to have specific demands with regard to
diet, dress and behaviour. Ensure that you do not have conflicts of interest with your
Central Tennants such as we belive in getting drunk and then choose to say No to Alcohol
Diet
- No stimulants such as drink, drugs or magic marmalade
- No meat
- No fish
- No pork products
- No sex
- No lamb products
- No cow products
- No vegetables
- No chips
- No Pringles
- No brussel sprouts
Dress
- Always wear a Fez in honour of Tommy Cooper
- Men must wear shorts
- Women must not wear knickers
- Women must have their ears covered at all times
Behaviour
- The Faithful must be drunk at all times after 15.00
- Women must subject themselves to sex with any man who mentions the secret word
- No running
- No smiling
- No mixing with the non-Faithful
- Regular worship at least 5 times a day
- Poverty - all funds to the Religion
6) Benefits for the Faithful
Always stress the benefits of the Religion. What will the Faithful receive in return for
their belief and devotion? Pick as many as you like
- As much sex as you cn get
- Free beer
- Free pizza
- Inner Peace
- Very little other than a feeling of belonging
- Magic marmalade
7) Making money from the Faithful
Now this is the fun part. Plenty to choose from here!
- Give all your money to the Religion and live in poverty
- Donations - suggest a weekly minimum
- A tithe on earnings - say 30%
- Get the Faithful to perform armed robberies
- Casual prostitution for the women
- Get them to make magic marmalade and sell it at Farmers Markets
